Man Nonchalantly Drops Penny Off Skyscraper Blatantly Ignoring the Gravity of the Situation

Man Nonchalantly Drops Penny Off Skyscraper Blatantly Ignoring the Gravity of the Situation

CHICAGO, IL-

It’s likely you’ve heard of the theory that a penny dropped off a building could kill you? Regardless of whether or not you’ve studied this topic in-depth, you likely understand the weight that comes hand in hand with hurling a projectile from the 33rd floor of a building in a densely populated area.

Man Nonchalantly Drops Penny Off Skyscraper Blatantly Ignoring the Gravity of the Situation
Zach’s incredible Instagram post documenting his ill-advised behavior.

24-year-old Zach Newton, no relation to the ever so much more notable English physicist Isaac Newton, has a roof deck. This past umm…ahhh… well, we’re unsure of the precise date because, in quarantine, time seems to be more relative than then it ever has been and it, of course, always has been. Anyway, Zach clearly doesn’t understand why it’s a bad idea to toss pennies of his roof deck to pass the time.

We sat down with Zach via a Zoom call to collect more data on the situation.

“Look, I’ve been like, doing this since like, way before people were being told to stay inside and stuff and I never had anybody approach me about being hit in the head with a coin I threw. So like, yeah.”

— ZACH, THE GUY WE JUST TOLD YOU WE WERE INTERVIEWING.

Zach’s argument that this activity is likely to have fewer casualties due to the decrease in foot traffic is a good one. Zach’s reasoning for his behavior in the past, that reason being that no one who would have presumably been struck over the head with a penny traveling at 299,792,458 meters per second or, 670,616,629 MPH had approached him with a complaint does not hold up so well. We hope you understand why.

“Like, I guess I’ll stop but, like, I also might not, ya know, stop.”

— ZACH, THE GENIUS WE’RE INTERVIEWING.

It may be wise of those of you in the city of Chicago to avoid the lakeside sidewalk outside 220 N Michigan Ave for the foreseeable future.

-A Well-Mannered Scholar

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